A friend said something to me this week that I thought about for most of the day.
He said, “I respect, but don’t actually care what opinion others have”.
Now, let me say this was in a Tweet, so he didn’t have space for qualification of that statement. And it may have been in specific relation to a discussion we were having about a book and TV dramatisation that he loved, and about which – particularly with regard to the author – I had been less kind.
But I took it, knowing him somewhat, as a broad statement about how he generally feels about other people’s opinions.
My first reaction to this was it was something I should try to emulate myself. But the more that statement went round in my head, the more I puzzled over it.
When it comes to me I learned a long time ago not to care much what others think. I spent years of my life trying to be the most likeable person ever in a desperate attempt to, well, have people like me. But some people still didn’t like me so I realised it was a pointless exercise. May as well be me and either they like me or they don’t, but at least they base their judgement on who I actually am. I know I’m basically a good, if flawed, individual. If I did or said something to upset you, it was definitely a mistake and not intentional. (Seriously, if I did, let me know, I’ll say sorry!) So yeah, I don’t give much thought to what opinions people might hold about me.
But I do care quite a lot about what people think about my writing. I am embarrassingly needy of the approving pat on the head from someone whose opinion I value. Preferably my editor or client. I hope think it’s a fairly common trait in bleeding heart artist types like what I am.
As a journalist I rely on the opinions (and experience and wisdom) of the experts and case studies I interview and quote in my features. Since I’m usually writing about something of which I have no personal experience, and perhaps – at least when I start out and before I start researching – very little understanding, their opinions on the subject matter a great deal to me.
But the thing I kept coming back to was the more basic issue of whether someone’s opinion – a friend, a relative, an acquaintance – mattered to me. And whether it should. Their opinion on anything. Religion, politics, art, whether my bum looks big in this…
To not care about someone else’s opinion (and if my friend reads this I hope he’ll know I’m talking about myself and not about him) seems like arrogance in the extreme. I’m simply not that well informed about, well, anything, to believe that my opinion is right and therefore the only one that matters. I have been known to change my opinion based on new information given to me by someone who knows better.
I do have some unshakeable opinions. And, looking at the other side of his statement, there are some opinions which I absolutely do not respect. Racist opinions would be one example. Religious opinions would not. (Or am I confusing opinions with beliefs, and if so, what’s the difference?)
And of course some opinions are entirely subjective. You can’t really argue with those.
Although if you adore something, anything; yoghurt covered raisins, Justin Bieber or watching fun videos about cats on YouTube, and someone whom you like and respect says, “Why do you like that? That’s shit!”, it can really smart. (I could go down a whole other train of thought on this, but I’ll spare you.)
I am vaguely concerned that, at the age of 41, and running my own business, and having a mortgage and two kids, not being more convinced of the absolute, indomitable correctness of my own opinions makes me appear somewhat a pathetic weebling. Lots of people do seem to be completely, unswayably certain about the veracity of their opinions. Should I be more like them?
Ought it to be the case that if there’s one thing I can be sure of, it’s my own opinions?
To be honest my opinions can change based on whether it’s sunny outside, or someone smiled at me or if, actually, I happen to be bursting for a wee right now.
I’m over thinking it. I know.
So, er, anyway, I haven’t reached a conclusion. Probably because I’m not confident enough in my own opinions. But I thought about this so much that in the end I also wanted to know what other people think. Genuinely. I really want to know.
And, I have to thank my friend, I think, because I appear to have launched a blog based on this day of thinking about what he said, when I should have been concentrating on work.
Who knows if I’ll stick with it? Apparently I don’t.
